boo may

these past 2-3 months have not been that enjoyable poker wise. they were really swingy and it's tough not to think about it in whatever im doing that i won/lost 7k today. and itd be just like that, one day id win 6-10k and be on top of the world and the next day id lose the same amount and feel stupid for even playing. i hadnt been able to string many winning sessions together and thats frustrating. ive been really re-examining my game lately, watching vids, going over hands, got a lesson last week, and feel like im playing some of the best poker ive ever played. but i think im hitting the patch everyone always talks about where you run worse than youve ever thought possible. may has been especially brutal so far. for some reason it has stopped affecting me like most downswings do. it doesnt even bother me thinking about it and i think thats strange.

ive always thought that my greatest asset as a poker player was that i very very rarely tilt, and even big downswings dont affect me to anywhere the extent it sounds like they affect some people. i think part of this comes from the years of playing tennis and being out there having to deal w all the emotions of losing /making errors at critical times by myself. the downside of this is that often times when im in a downswing i dont bother to move down a level or so to where the swings dont affect me and just keep playing the same stakes ive been at if i think im playing well. this sometimes causes poor bankroll mgmt and either leads to a bigger downswing or gets me right out of the downswing. and theres obviously no better feeling than quickly making all your money back, even though its probably not the smartest thing to try and do.

whenever i lose a lot of money playing poker i just think how fortunate i have been to have made this much money already playing a card game and that gets me out of it. things i try to avoid: seeing any graphs by stinger or cts (except stinger's $1.2 mill in 14k hands graph bc thats just silly). browsing through bbv and reading about some bustos helps too. looking at money i have in the market and the bank also helps, even though the markets been killin me the past few months obviously.

any money i have in poker sites never seems real to me until i cash it out, so i tend to cash out when i either go on big downswings or upswings to remind myself that the money is real and either help make me feel better about a downswing or keep me playing focused during an upswing. so over the past week ive cashed out everything but 25k from full tilt and am gonna grind 2/4 and 3/6 until i make 10k there, then start playing some 5/10 again. the sick thing is that ive been doing alright at 5/10 this month but am down 15k at 10/20. and last month woulda made like 28k if i didnt play any 25/50 so if i just cut out the high stakes ill be fine. i can already tell how ridiculous the swings are at 10/20 where ive actually put in a good number of hands the past 2 months, and made 25k there last month and am down 15k there this month. but i feel like i need to make myself grind some hands at lower stakes as part punishment for my somewhat stupid bankroll mgmt and part just to get in a groove again. ill be very pissed if i start running really well when i play lower though lol thats the most frustrating thing ever.

everything else is going well other than poker though and am leaving for europe on may 29th. i am real pumped for that, and am going with a friend who is always a good time. im also heading to the preakness horse race in baltimore this weekend. ive been the past 4 yrs and its always one of the best days of the yr for me. cant beat drinking in a huge field with a bunch of your friends and 100k other ppl who are friends for the day. its my roomates bday on preakness this yr too so itll probably get especially rowdy, and hes lucky enough to spend his birthday w 100k friends. headin to pick up a cheesesteak now, life is good.